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Short People Are Funny

A collection of cute things that my children have done and said.  (At least they made me laugh)
Last updated 06-24-2013

Son: "Daddy, why does everybody like you?"
Dad: "What do you mean?"
Son: (Pauses) "Well, we like you."

Son: "Mom"
Mom: "Yes"
Son: "Is it still your birthday?"
Mom: "Yes"
Son: "Then here's your card."

Son #1: "I've got to go pee really bad!"
Son #2: "You've got to suck it up, and not pee pee in your underpants."

Looking at a picture of his grandfather as a young man.  "Who's that?"  "Your Papa," I replied.  With a quizzical look on his face "How'd he get like THAT?!"

Son: "We don't eat spiders. They could get up there and eat our brains."

While letting my son hear various movie themes, there was one with a very quiet orchestral sound.  He looks at me and says, "Is that a girl movie?"

We were taking a walk through our neighborhood at night, and saw a giant spider decoration (about 4-5' in circumference).  I asked my boys if it was a real spider or a fake spider.  My son said that if it were a real spider he would bring his dresser from home, and would smash it.  I told him that dressers are pretty heavy, and that he would have a hard time swinging it.  He said "Well, I've been working out."

While watching a cartoon, the main character decided to run away from home.  I turned to my oldest and said "You wouldn't run away from home, would you?"  He replied with an emphatic "nuh uh" head shake.  "We might lose our family."  My youngest chimed in "I want to run away from home"  I said, " That's sad, I will miss you."  He replied, "I want to run away from home...with you!"

Near bedtime, my son came in and said "I'm going to wear this home coat" (a house coat, of course)

A good friend of mine was relaying a story about his son.  They had seen a parody of Lord of the Rings and his son asked how my friend and his wife knew so much of what would happen already.  He explained that it was based on a movie that he was a bit too young to watch.  He got out the dvd cases for the movie and pointed out some pictures of the characters that had been in the parody.  He got to the "Sporks" who were the Orcs, and the son commented how mean that they looked.  He then asked his dad, "Would they be good if you gave them cookies?"

My wife made a special lunch treat for my boys of bologna cut like a Christmas tree, decorations and a little scene on the plate drawn with a food coloring pen.  I said to my boys, "Wow, how cool is that?  You've never had anything like that before to eat."  My youngest replied "I have."  I said, "When was that?"  He replied pointing at the creation "Right now!!!"

Not "kid related", but I heard our family dog excessively whining from another room.  Without skipping a beat, my wife said, "There's no crying in baseball!"  How cool is she?  :-)

We were talking one day about birth order.  My oldest was happy that he was born before his brother.  I said that I was born before both of them and Mommy was born before me.  My son said "You and mom were born first because God wanted you to be our mom and dad."

My sons brought in the New Year, and there were a lot of people setting off fireworks in the neighborhood.  My youngest son asked me, "Can we go out there with firecrackers and.....crack em?"

We were in Walmart together one day looking through a clearance rack of toys.  My oldest turned to me and said.  "Oh Dad, guess what I just caught my eye on."

My boys talked about being hungry, and I brought out an apple and told them that it was a fruit and a snack; so that essentially it was a real "fruit snack."  My oldest said that apples were good for you anyway.  My youngest chimed in "yeah, they make the doctors leave."

We were watching some videos on YouTube that had some teenagers performing various skateboarding and parkour (free running) stunts.  My oldest said, "You would definitely not let me us that."  My youngest said, "If they were your kids, you would definitely spank them."  I said that with someone that old, I would have to find a different way to punish them.  In typical toddler logic, my youngest asked, "Would you punch them?"  I assured him that parents should never punch their kids.

On a recent vacation, my son and I were hoisting some luggage up a flight of stairs.  My son said to me, "You know, some people are scared of going to high places."  I replied, "That's true."  He said "I am one of those people."

My youngest was being quite a stinker one evening after I had returned from work.  He said something that had really pushed my wife's button.  She marched towards him with her finger pointing to his room.  I promise you that without any trace of sarcasm, my four year old excitedly said "Mom, you read my mind!  I was just thinking about going to my room, and you said to go to my room!"

My youngest said to my oldest "Come here, it's a rolly polly bug.  They aren't bugs for biting, they are for loving."

My youngest son found a pair of sunglasses in the car and said, "These are for sun AND for cool!"

We were talking about not barging in on people in the bathroom, my oldest said "Yeah, when you get older, you get more gross places."

My oldest was talking about turning another year older.  He said "Last year, I had to be in time out for 5 minutes. Now I have to stay there for 6." I replied, "Imagine when I get in trouble, how long it would be?" He said "Oh, Dad, you don't get in trouble." I said "Buddy, I'm married, I always get in trouble."

My son said "Dad, can you get me a small glass of water, I'm Hic'ing Up"

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