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The Laughing Laptop

Welcome to a collection of jokes, chuckles and chortles that only a geek could truly love.

Even if your idea of fun is de-bugging some code or configuring software, it certainly doesn't mean that you don't have a sense of humor.  I have collected and will continue to collect these little gems from the far corners of the web, and bring them to you for your personal edification.

I do not steal jokes.  If I don't make up the humor myself, I will make the proper annotations, giving credit to where I found them.  If you submit something to me, I will make sure to give you the, I mean credit.

I hope that this page can serve to lighten your daily load, and tickle your electronic fancy.

last updated 02/23/2012

- CAPS LOCK – Preventing Login Since 1980. (1)
- If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0. (1)
- My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. (1)
- There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t. (1)
- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. (2)
- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I think I’ve lost an electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…” (2)
- Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you (3)
- Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... (3)
- What did Schrodinger's wife say to him?
What have you done to the cat? It looks half dead! (4)
- Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi! (5)
- A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc. A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily. When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!" (6)
- Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
To get to the same side. (7)
- One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished. (8)
- "Do you love your math more than me?"
"Of course not, dear - I love you much more."
"Then prove it!"
"OK... Let R be the set of all lovable objects..." (8)
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks him, “Can I help you with your luggage?”
To which the photon replies, “I don’t have any. I’m traveling light.” (9)
The information went data way. (10)
2 + 2 = 5 (for extremely large values of 2). (10)
Access denied - nah nah na nah nah! (10)
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANCI. (10)
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. (10)
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding. (10)
C: is the root of all directories. (10)
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key. (10)
Don't anthropomorphize computers--they hate that. (10)
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny. (10)
Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software. (10)
FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue. (10)
Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day.Teach a man to program, frustrate him for a lifetime. (10)
Hold a hard drive to your ear--listen to the C: (10)
How many computer programmers would it take to change a light bulb?  None--that's a hardware problem. (10)
I can't resist an ohm. (10)
I hit the Control key but I'm still not in control! (10)
I keep hitting 'escape,' but I'm still here. (10)
There's no place like (10)
The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is it never ends (11)
An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?” (12)

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