Our Marriage Canoe

picture courtesy of the Daily Oskar

My wife and I had a financial "discussion" the other day.  It was not unlike many other "discussions" that we have had in years past, but this one left some hard feelings at the time.  I won't go into all the details, because despite the drama that a lot of people feel free to post on places such as Facebook and the like, the Internet is not the appropriate place for that.

To begin, my wife and I grew up with divergent experience with finances.  My heritage has always been the "savers" approach, where hers was not.  That sometimes makes it difficult to always stay on the same page financially.  I truly believe that our ultimate goals are actually the same, but sometimes there is a disagreement on paths.  This was one of those occasions.

On this day, the perfect storm had been brewing.  There were many stressors that contributed to it.  Our boys had just started school and our youngest had been pushing both his parent's limits.  Mrs Geek had just started a new job (of which I am excessively proud of her) and she had pulled a muscle in her back.  Then, on top of it all, we had an unexpected car repair bill of $1,900.

The conversation came up as I was home from lunch, and quickly expanded into a full fledged disagreement.  As I left back for work, the air was tense between us.  I arrived back at work, and it all started gnawing at me from the inside.  I knew that I was beginning to get angry about it.  To add to things, there had been a financial misstep in the past that had been forgiven, but that because of the argument, I really felt a desire to bring it back up.  I decided to do some walking and breathing to relieve a little bit of the stress.

I felt my resolve not to bring up past mistakes weakening.  I had to pray and admit to God that I was getting angry about my perceived injustice.  I asked Him to please help both of us, because I did not want us to hurt each other with our words when I got back home later.  It was then that I got a phone call at work.

It was Mrs Geek.  She said, "I called to eat some humble pie."  She admitted that she had been very angry with me, and as she had sat down to show me how wrong that I was.  She said that when she looked at things, "I realized that I can't make it with out you."

What a woman of grace!  It took a lot of inner strength of character for her to make that call to me.  I told her that I was extremely blessed to have a gracious woman like her for my wife.  I told her that I knew things had been difficult lately, but I knew that together, we were going to make it.  The relief for both of us was palpable.

When you have committed to a person for the rest of your life, it helps to visualize yourselves as sitting in the same canoe.  Unless the other person is paddling with you, you are not going to get anywhere fast.  Both of you have hopes, dreams and aspirations, but you will never be able to achieve them with out your partner.

I think that we tend to look at life from a very selfish perspective.  I better grab everything that I can for me, or I won't get anything.  If we can learn to get past that and extend trust to our spouse, we will find that they want you to succeed just as much as you do.  If you help them achieve their goals in life, they will have a motivation and desire to help you fulfill yours.

We have been traveling in our canoe for almost ten years now; both through rapids and still waters.  By now, we know each others strengths, weaknesses and vulnerabilities.  We have the power to hurt one another tremendously.  We know exactly what would inflict the most pain.  We also, however, have the best insight into where we can be the best encouragement to one another.  I hope that I never forget to be that "encourager" to my wife.

--


“Loving someone is giving them the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to.”
― Julianne Moore

Doggone Dogs And Doorknobs

Let's set the stage.  My two boys were in their normal rambunctious state, just prior to going down for the night. One very tired Mrs. Geek asked a favor of me.  In her most humble of voice, she asked if I would "have a heart" and let her dog in when I came to bed.  (I use the title of "her dog" for a variety of reasons; longer than I could get into in this post)

;-)

At about 1:30 am, I remembered my promise, and feeling a bit tired myself, made my way back to the back door to let him in.  I unlocked the latch and turned the knob, with no perceptible result.  The door remained stubbornly closed.  Deeming myself to be more intelligent then a doorknob, I kept trying various ways to get it open.  Despite all of my probing, prodding and pulling, the lock remained firmly in place.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

It is important to note, that her dog, as well as the juvenile delinquent neighbor dog (one who was slated for a "deportation" of sorts after killing one of their chickens) was pawing at our back door and whining in empathy for my struggle.

Time for some proper tools.  Where's the screwdriver?  I knew that I could ask my wife and she would be able to tell me fairly easily where I could look, but the Sir Galahad in me would not allow me to disturb her peaceful slumber.  After multiple looks in all the usual hiding spots and traveling past the quizzical looks from our cats, I found my prize.

One phillips head screwdriver later, and I started work on the obnoxious doorknob with a renewed fervor.  I was a flurry of tightening, loosening and poking.  It was obvious that my nemesis was winning this battle.  I resorted to taking off the inside knob completely, but the halfway dismantled apparatus defiantly resisted every attempt of mine to dislodge it.

Having labored for at least forty minutes, it was time for plan B.  Traveling through the house to the front door, I decided to retrieve our little friend the long way (which obviously in retrospect, would have been the shorter way).

Separating the aforementioned juvenile delinquent from Mrs. Geek's very jealous dog, I was able to lead him to the front of our house.  Opening the door wide and in hushed tones, I encouraged him to go in.  No go.  Just a blank stare. More pleading, he just plodded back towards the back yard again.  Uggghhhhhhh!  Not wanting to raise my voice (which is something I am sure my sleeping neighbors would appreciate after 2:00 am) I walked to the dog, hoisted him like a sack of potatoes, lugged him back into our home.

From there, he promptly ran with breakneck speed to our bedroom, bounded to the bed, and did what could only be likened to a WWF dive from the ropes onto my wife's seeping form.  Groggily, she awoke to my apologies for waking her up.  She turned to me smiling and said...

"You know, if it was me, I would have just made him stay outside."

-TGCD

Dating My Wife

It was a Saturday, November the 5th.  The head geek wanted to take out his sweetie on a date.  A good friend from work who was involved in the theater, had mentioned an upcoming performance that his wife was involved in, and it seemed like the perfect venue for our little "night on the town".

The finest laid plans of mice and men had been made.  Another very good friend/co-worker and his wife had graciously agreed to supervise our progeny whilst we were gone.  Though there were reports of a minor revolt in progress at their household (not unusual for small children countries, such as theirs), one half of the daring duo was able to break away and lend us a hand.  Armed with a Game Cube, Netflix computer password, remote control and instructions; we left our liberator and bade a fond farewell.

In the car, your typically trivial husband and wife conversation ensued.  "You remember how to get there, right?"  "I'm pretty sure."  (beware of the Ides of March, eh?)  The Geek's wife had given him a choice of three different restaurants.  After choosing one and inquiring inside, the 30-35 minute wait time made him rethink his plans.  After not too tortuously a drive later, we arrived at one of the alternate destinations.  No waiting?  Score!

The food was delicious of course, but I ate way too much.  I tried carnitas there for the first time.  Not bad, actually.  After paying the bill, it was off to the ATM to get the cash necessary for tickets. and then on to the theater.  After cruising around the area where we were "pretty sure" that the theater was located, we were "pretty sure" that we needed help.  A quick phone call to our hero back at the home front, and we were back on track.  Like a Tom Tom, he helped us recalculate our route.

We arrived a few minutes after 8pm to pick up our tickets.  We were met with a look of dread by one of the staff who endeavored to find us a place of rest in the sold out community theater.  She came back and had found exactly two seats. Huzzah!!!!!  Unfortunately, they were in two separate parts of the theater.  Ooooooooo.  Relatively undaunted, my wife and I plunged ahead.  She took the high road, and I the lower.  After a short bout of shimmying and squeezing, I made it to my seat.

From where I was seated, I could see a direct path to my wife at the back.  I smiled, and would look back at regular intervals to gauge her reaction and catch her glance (we were after all, on a date.  Long distance to be sure, but certainly still a date)  On about the fifth look back I realized there was a lady about two rows back and over that did not know the rest of this story.  From her vantage point, I was just the psychotic man that kept staring in her direction.  After that, I kept my gaze in a more forward position to avoid any further misunderstandings.

The play was a a quaint little comedic murder mystery called the Musical Comedy Murders of 1940 by John Bishop.  My wife and I enjoyed it, and were glad that throughout our date, we were able to keep our sense of humor.  Life is truly unscripted.

I love you Mrs. Geek!

**EDITOR'S NOTE:  Okay, am I not the only one that totally "geeked out" when I read the first line of my entry?  Saturday, November 5th?  Great Scott!!!!  Gotta love being a geek.  ;-)  **